Monday

A monk in gold robes sat; his feet a'pickin' & a flickin'

14 - 19 Jan should have been 6 Hours (ended up being 11 hours but that was my fault, not Thailands as I forgot to manage to not forget my passport/money/tickets all important guffstuff & ended up going thru a place called 'Tak' 3 times (which was......Cak!) bus to Chiang Mai

Top North Guesthouse 1 night
All-in-1 Guesthouse 5 nights

Chillin' in Chaing Mai was ok - shot some pool + strolled round streets lined with traders + stalls.

Friday

Yellow Creamy Gloop.....Good with Bananas


12 - 13 Jan 6 Hours bus to Sukhothai

Ben Thai Guesthouse 3 quid a night bungalow!

Apparently you can walk on Custard. I am defo going to have to try that - Brilliant!

Wednesday

Same Siem .......... But different




Jan 10 - 11 5 hours bus ride to Ayuthaya (ayyoodeeyer)

Old Palace Resort

I'm not sure exactly how to spell or pronounce it, but Ayuthaya used to be capital of Thailand. In fact they moved to Bangkok because it is easier to articulate.......probably. Anyhoo, back in days when words like 'Yarg' + 'Groat' + 'Nerf' actually had a place in a World that wasn't shrouded in cynicism and want, but smelt like pigshit, The poor people hereabouts were happily asked with sticks, stakes & stones to build magnifique temples to the 'Lard' Buddha.....actually it isn't the 'lardy' looking Buddha that features hereabouts, but the slimline version from before he got fat on the alms left by starving minions at too many temples.

King unpronounceable name (for it was he) ruled the land for as far as the eye can see on a clear day without the aid of any optical aids and built great temples to rubber-stamp his ownership, and pronounce to the people that Buddhism was the way. After his time passed, Monarch after Monarch built more great temples until one day (before all the World was a great big Temple like building) the dynasty was overthrown and they were left to ruin.

I like it here. It's a quiet town with loads of ruins of temples. I like buddhism. I like wandering around ancient temples, makes me feel reflective.......and kinda sad......Yarg!

Elephantski : Brilliantski!




Jan 7 - Jan 9 Short ride in the back of a pick-up to elephants Friends click for details on the elephants and how to visit....

Now click here if you want to see elephant bathtime.....Getting 'Dunked'

Them got elephants......me got the trots which was a real shame as it meant I only got to ride once but the elephant bath was a Blast and after managing to swallow mouthfuls of elepoo water with prob a little bit of laughter seepage it was an experience I will truly never forget. BIG thanks to Kamoun the BIGgest elephant at the reserve & the BIGgest fan of bathtime.

Saturday

Spicy Tom Yom Kang Soup

Jan 6 2 Hours Minibus to Kanchanaburi

Sam's Guesthouse Hut 4 - 7 quid bargain mozzie shack on Kwai

Kanchanaburi is famous for a Bridge situated hereabouts that goes over a River called Kwai........and we are staying in a little hut that is on stilts over the (little bit smelly) river.

The Japanese forced POW's to build the bridge during WW2. When the air-raid sirens went off they would march the POW's onto the bridge in the hope that the allies wouldnt attack/destroy the bridge. This ploy didnt work and hundreds were killed.

Ride on a Death railway? (it'll only take a couple of hours......!)- sold! Five hours (!!) on a rock-hard bone-jarring back-breaking seat later and i'm not so sure. The first (and last as the train was a there and back again deal) five minutes was exciting as we crossed the bridge........then there was a pretty nice view over the river at about an hour and a half in (obviously repeated at about three and a half hours).......then we went past a durian farm about half an hour before the midway point (and again about half an hour into our return) which was ever so slightly gut-wrenchingly smelly................

Friday

BKK

January 5 - Flight to Bangkok

Four Sons Inn; Khao San Rd.

Sawasdee kup - hello
chang - elephant
beer - beer
kup koon kup - Thanks

Sawasdee kup, chang beer kup koon kup!

Only had one night in Bangkok - shame, It really is my fave city in the Whole World.

Khao San is backpackerland. Has a soul like a few thousand travellers taking a well earned pause at a waystation before carrying on their journeys.

Monday

Life thru a crackt lens







Dec 30 - Jan 5 5 hours bus to Siem Reap

Angkor Star Hotel - Nice!!!

3 day pass to the Angkor temples.

The plain + chocolate corn flakes at the breakfast buffet were teeming with ants. The staff at the hotel were made aware of this. Why did they pick up the dish containing the ant flakes; place it in a frying pan; turn up the heat and wait......before then placing the dish with either dead or half-baked ants still inside back on the buffet.......I Love Asia. Fact.

Angkor is astonishing. I am going to write something deep about Belief and inspiration if I ever believe I can inspire. Think I prefered the Bayon to Angkor Wat........But I basically just loved climbing up sheer steps and getting serious vertigo.....Oh, & missing out on a massive New Year party in town so that I could see the first light of a New Year over Angkor Wat (sounds blissful? - It was.....apart from the million Japanese tourists who accompanied me...)

HmmmmmaaaaaabbbppPPPPPp! & SokPheeb......?

Cambodia has been an extreme education on how cruel man can be versus how, in the face of poverty and diversity, inspiring.

Friday

Now Here is Nowhere

Phnom Penh (again) Dec 29

4 hours coach back to Phnom (hill) Penh (gals name). Capital of Cambodia (nee Kampuchea) + probably the flatest city in the World (which obviously accounts for the name) 'cept for a small bump that protrudes slightly higher than the surrounding acreage. Apparently 'lady' Penh (for it was she) tripped over said mound & found 4 statues of Buddha that just happened to be lying there & this AMAZING occurence led the yokels to build a temple.....call it Wat Phnom + many settlers made the pilgrimage there and stayed. The rest, as they say, is history.

Thursday

fathom = big bloke



Dec 21 - 28

4 hours bus to Sihanoukville......the best beach in Cambodia......H'aight!

Golden Sand resort

Spent a week doing sfa.........brilliant!

Ethiopia -
Do they know it's Christmas (Arm the World).
Every country has the right to defend itself but how ironic a day to start.
When all the poorest countries in the world can afford to 'spend' bullets what a mess we will be in.
How many bullets were purchased instead of grains of rice?
How many 20 year olds saved by charity from starvation are now hardened war killers?
How many are still starving as 'Jets' drop bombs?
How many other countries in Africa are being fed money by rich nations and gorging on weapons instead of buying food + learning about survival?
(Was gonna write something about not listening to Irish pop stars.....or something - 'Shut Up Nobo! - Give that man a knighthood! etc.....) - + Yes I do care that people are dying & starving, but the last time I bit a nugget I couldnt digest it!
Leave me alone on my little island + dont dance in my dust after I spontaneously combust.
Realised I get the tremors because of the effort it takes me to STOP SHAKING MY HEAD.....

Xmas - Had a massage; manicure & pedicure. Sat in sun.Lunch at a place called the snake house......pizza!

Wednesday

Beg-steal-eat-make me laugh.......Urchins eh!



Dec 18 - 20 Phnom Penh

Arrived in Cambodia's capital by boat........

New York Hotel ..... Shite (fussyme) so moved to 'J' Hotel

Suasd'ai is hello
4000 Riel is one dollar

Visited the National Museum
The Choeung Ek Genocidal Centre
Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum
Wat Sarawan
Wat Ounalom
Wat Phnom
a couple of seedy bars

Cambodia is already one of my fave places and it is the people that make it that little bit more special. One of the street kids just has that look of the devil in his eye + took chips off my plate the first day so each time I see him now I just give him whatever food i have left - probably takes all the fun out of it for him, but it helps my waistline so what the hey!

Wat Ounalom is now officially my favourite Wat....ever. The wrinkled Buddhist unlocked the temple and we manouvered ourselves thru a 3 foot high door to kneel in a stone chamber about 3 by 3 metres in the presence of the 'eyebrow of buddha'......apparently. Not sure how that ended up there but as I contemplated the hows & whys of brow removal the monk started chanting and before I knew it he was flicking water in my face. chant-flick-chant-flick etc. Would like to say I felt blessed & that whole new avenues just opened up in my mind but I was too busy concentrating on not laughing - Brilliant. Sure Buddha was looking down on me from whereverness trying his utmost to frown which cant be easy him being short in the dept of the aforementioned facial feature.

If you dont know about The Killing Fields then click here.

Tuol Sleng was once a school. It is in a busy, built up area just south of central Phnom Penh. In the early 70's the Khmer Rouge turned it into a prison camp (aka S-21). Alongside detention it was also used to torture; maim; interrogate and kill Men, Women, Kids & babies. Today it is a museum. The Khmer Rouge photo'd each prisoner on arrival; during their torture.....and their corpses. The museum has all the photo's on display, literally thousands of faces watch either defiantly or emptily as you pass thru. Each inmate has a number tag that is either pinned to their shirt or literally pinned thru their skin. Tuol Sleng stands cold in the baking heat, a grey empty place that is a monument to pure evil.

The Chuong Ek Genocidal centre (aka The Killing Fields) is about 15km south of Phnom Penh. Today a Quiet Orchard in a quiet town the sound of children laughing drifts eerily thru the air from a nearby school. Almost 9000 inmates from Tuol Sleng were executed here after being processed. A monument containing 5000 skulls exhumed at this site meets you on arrival and they gaze emptily, watching you trace your way around the mass grave site. The fields still now the blood has been shed; fruit ripens in the sun, butterflies drift lazily in the breeze - all keep their tongues to violent historys witness.

After visiting Tuol Sleng and Choeung Ek one feels numb. It is incomprehensible......

Equally incomprehensible (+ on a muchmuchmuch lighter note) is the gold statue of a man and his Bull that was espeyed at a local Wat..........

non-charitable organisation



Dec 16 - 17

Mekong Delta Tour

Left Saigon/HCMC/whatever on trip into Mekong delta. Visited more places with silly names....

My Tho city has lots of canals & we took a boat trip. Ben Tre is the 'coconut capital' of Vietnam.

Can Tho had an Xmas 'parade' with loads of 20 year old vietnamese riding around on mopeds dressed as santa......Bizarro......Ali then lost the plot and decided to walk herself the 100 metres from net cafe to hotel which resulted in me spending the next hour and something walking the ever darkening and emptying streets looking for her......and she had a map.......The room we stayed at in Can Tho was worth every cent of the 2 dollar it cost.

Visited a trad floating market called Cairang........KerranGGG!!!!

Saw a dead crocodile rotting in the sun at a crocodile farm that was possibly one of the cruelest places I have ever been to (+ I dont particularly like Croc's).....the BIG bear in a tiny metal cage in 40 degree heat near the exit really sealed the deal......Not sure why we were taken there........I R Perplexed.

Sam Mountain views Viet/Cambodia border then Chau doc town and another 2 dollar hotel cell - means to end.

Tuesday

All this way for a slice of pizza




Dec 12 - 15

*sniffle* - had to leave Mui Ne....If i'd stayed another night I probably would never have been able to drag myself away....It was - Brilliant!

5 hours bus - Saigon aka Ho Chi Minh City aka former capital of Vietnam

Anan Hotel 2

Firstly, Saigon (sorry HCMC) aint Hanoi....which in my humble opinion is a good thang! - It actually feels like a capital city (which it was for ages before the war re-unified the country) - aka - the 'North' decided that communism was what the 'South' needed. Then after years of battles with millions of tonnes of bombs being dropped on this and neighbouring countries and millions of innocent lives being lost and Americans 'getting involved' and then not doing very well and then 'getting uninvolved' and the South being left pretty much high n dry until they eventually lost the war..... and then at around the same time Saigon became Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi became capital of Vietnam.......*deep intake of breath*

The War remnants Museum Recounts in graphic detail the recent war and it is one of the most depressing museums I have ever visited. With photo's of people being blown apart; tales of Agent Orange and how the chemicals the US used in the war are still causing children to be born with disabilities + mutations; a walk round a mock prison-camp with torture chamber thrown in......I felt totally empty as we left, & hope that I am not walking round similar Museums in Baghdad and Kabul in 30 years time.......Dear Mr Bush/Blair - History does not have to be a book that you read in reverse & understand less as the pages turn.......

To lighten the mood - decided to spend some money & so skipped happily down to the Ben Tinh market.......The top grade Coffee over here is called 'Cham'. Cham means 'Fox' & the coffee is so called as it has been digested by the fox; the poop has been sifted (with marigolds?); cleaned (alledgedly!!!); and then it apparently has an amazingly 'different' taste......So I threw too much money at the fox-poo seller & now have a huge bag of strangely pungent dung....err....coffee to enjoy.....
Soon after - The woman told me the footie shirt was authentic; I obviously believed her (why would she lie?).....She wanted fifteen & I thought just under a tenner was a bargain.....now its later & i'm looking at my new shirt....I'm pretty sure that it's the wrong shade of red.......and therefore probably worth about tuppence.......I am crap at buying & deserve to drink hot poo coffee....

Cu Chi tunnels are about an hour out of the city & were dug by the Vietcong during the wars with France & later the US. The Vietcong were basically guerillas working against the South (who were supported by the US) on the side of the Northern communists. Running around in oversized monkey suits and shooting guns didnt have the overall desired effect of ridding their country of the foreign oppressors so they dug a 200km network of tunnels (the picture at the top shows our guide 'Khan' at one of the entrances) which they used to evade capture and appear 'invisible'....The tunnels themselves are on 3 levels - the first at 3 metres deep have living quarters & kitchens; the third at about 10 metres. They all link underground to villages in the Cu Chi region - They are very dark; very hot and not for fans of wide-open spaces. It is a fascinating place and lots of fun for thin people.......!

They also let you shoot guns (though not in the tunnels......) & I grabbed an AK47 (which is a fine way to learn the destructive lessons of war) - suffice to say I couldnt hit a barn door at 50 paces.....They also developed a fine line in traps that most medieval torturers would have been proud of.....most memorable was a 'trap-door' that when stood upon caused 12 inch barbed nails to impale the victim whose weight caused the nails to go in further.......hmmm - Nice....

Saturday

I want my wasted hours back!




Dec 9 - 12

5 hours bus to Mui ne.....a beach resort (see above.....hahahahaha!!!!!)

Little Mui Ne Cottages (25 quid a night inc brekkie)

Warm breezes rustling the palms creating a soundtrack with the waves a steady percussion to the Beautiful Sunsets............ Why aren't I here right now?

Thursday

They really use my chromosomes to create a duckling?





Dec 7 - 9

5 hours Bus to Dalat (in the mountains).....It isnt actually advertised as Dalat (in the mountains), just it is in the mountains & happens to be called Da Lat (which probably means 'In the mountains' but I dont want to even start going into the idiosyncracities of the Vietnamese language in its various forms (or the whats & ifs of whether that word actually exists, or is a fabrication of my very tired & very limited imagination).

I like Dalat. Walked 7 K's round the Xuan Huong Lake.

Kam ern .........is 'Thanks!'

Vietnamese coffee.......is Tar!

What is a Carronetto? - It's like a cornetto, but it's a carrot.

Acting like a typical tourist who's command of the local dialect is tetchy at best, I asked for directions this evening. The partially deaf local kept on pointing at his ear (which I thought meant he wished me to keep repeating what I had asked; & again; & again etc)......suffice to say that when he eventually motioned with his hand what could only be described as a 'vague' direction (or, F*** off (maybe)), I then walked in the complete opposite direction & found where I needed to be in about 5 minutes.

'V' cafe is run by a vet & his wife. I expected the place to be a mess of operating tables & strange coloured stools, with flaps of skin and shaven hair, a few syringes & maybe one of those plastic skeletons of a dog, but it was actually clear of any traces of dead or dying or even slightly ill animals......We were welcomed by an American chap called Mike who wore combat gear, was in his mid-50's and seemed to run the place......Lonely planet recommended the food & I have to say it was indeed lush!

Dalat is Vietnam's premiere wine producing region. In fact, It is the only wine producing town in the country. That is why we came here.....red......wine.......I expected the wine to taste like vinegary sap........
& It did!........
Have now developed a taste for red coloured vinegary sap.

I havent shaved for a bit because we are out on the bikes with a couple a 'easy riders' today and I want to try + look the part. If you look at the shot above of our guide 'Buddha' you will see that he is a bit of a hairy-arsed monster (not!!! - so I let Ali ride with him hahaha!). We toured round Dalat & the surrounding mountains + saw:

a decrepit railway station.
a chinese buddhist temple.
some pine trees on a walk where we managed to get lost because I didnt listen to our guides clear instructions about not leaving the obvious path to where they would be picking us up.
a hill tribe called the 'chopsticks' who live on the edge of elephant mountain. They are aka the elephant tribe but as they were all really skinny, had very small noses & didnt resemble the beasts in any way, nor even had any lying around that i could randomly photo I opted for the 'other' name. I dont know why they are called the chopsticks.....in fact that might be something our guide made up to stop me asking so many stupid questions about elephants that werent there.
A waterfall called Datanla.
A Buddhist monastery.
A house that is known to local folk as 'The Crazy House' but it is in fact a hotel that has been designed by the owner to look & feel like something out of a slightly twisted nursery rhyme...... it wasnt finished, & actually reminded me of a cross between a building site that should defo be roped off with lots of signs akin to 'dont come in - unsafe', and something that any designer should have kept locked at the back of their mind in a folder obviously labelled 'stupid ideas that'll never work and will prob ruin my reputation & maybe, just maybe, earn me a trip to funny farm........I think kids would like it, but they will sleep uneasily for a bit afterwards.

Monday

No! (for the 13th time!)



Nha Trang Dec 4 - 6

12 hours to travel 500km overnight bus from Hoi an....bumped into Frank who is from Holland (isnt it veeld!) who we first met on the Yangtze cruise.

Yasaka hotel possibly the worst 4* hotel in the world......

Q. How many Vietnamese does it take to chop down a tree?
A. 14.....2 to chop, the other 12 to watch.....& then catch it.....?
(I am watching this with a slight frown and look of absolute bemusement.)

Quiet walk down the street a la Vietnam? (forget it!) - Where do I start.....:

Cyclo?.......NO!
Motorbike?...NO!
Taxi?........NO!
Boat?........NO!
Hat?.........NO!
Clothes?.....NO!
Shoes?.......NO!
Restaurant?..NO!
Fruit?.......NO!
Water?.......NO!
Hotel?.......NO!
Massage?.....NO!
Manicure?....NO!

(I used to say 'No Thanks', but that just makes them ask you the same question again....ie:
Do you want water?
*smileyface* 'No Thanks'
....Do you want water?
*blankexpression* then *thought* - err, what has changed in the nanosecond since you asked me? then 'NO!' *stomp* (have also used 'No.No.No' + 'How 'bout No!' a la Dr Evil)

Everyone.is.a.saleperson.x.myrecentinsomnia.=.it.is.starting.to.annoy.me......grrrrrr

Durian is a fruit. It supposedly tastes like heaven but smells like shite. It doesnt taste like heaven either. When we had a nightout with Tom & Phil in the New Territories, we had dessert in a place that had a 'durian' only area.It was smelly....We sat & enjoyed some really lush Chinese pud's......I digress.
Durian must also give you lots of wind, as we have been confined to our hotel for the last 24 hours due to a Typhoon obviously caused by it.....

Also finished reading 'The Sorrow of War' by Bao Ninh who fought in the Vietnam war on the N. Vietnamese side. It took me ages to read (even though it had already been translated) but was well worth it.